There is an old Celtic saying: "Anyone without a soul friend is a body without a head."
I am learning a lot about friendships as an adult and am really beginning to see the value, especially since I've gone so long without them.
As an introvert and a little socially awkward, I hadn't place much importance on spiritual friendships. Eight years ago I married my best friend, I didn't think I needed anyone else. And in my newlywed days I didn't have much time for anyone else, or I guess you could say I didn't make time. It wasn't until this last year, after having my 2nd child and being a full-time stay-at-home wife/mommy did I realize I was struggling. At first, I couldn't even pinpoint what I was struggling with... I just felt alone, somewhat depressed, overwhelmed with the season I was in and guilty for feeling that way. I realized I should probably talk to someone and then it hit me - I didn't have anyone to talk to, or at least that I felt I could truly be vulnerable with. For one, I am a pastor's wife so I feel like I have to be a bit guarded and can't just wear my emotions on my sleeves. And two, I didn't want to come off as needy and be a burden to anyone. Just about this time, our church hosted a woman's conference and during one of the sessions, Mindy Caliguire spoke on the very subject of Spiritual Friendships - God is so timely!
So what are Spiritual Friendships: an intimate, life-giving friendship that helps me pay attention and be responsive to the on-going work of God in my life.
Mindy gave 5 ways to build a Spiritual Friendship:
1. Mirroring
- When we walk around with rage, superiority or pride on our face but can't see it, our friends can help point it out.
- They help us see what we're not seeing
- This is our level of personality - introverted/extroverted
- Our family of origin
- areas of struggle
- confession
- We need safe places where we can be known
- Be careful when we:
- Recoil in horror at someones confession
- or minimize the issue
- Truly pray for your friends
- Don't just have social gatherings and talk about everything and not pray
5. Celebrate
- What God is doing in and through you
A friend is someone to whom you can entrust the secrets of the heart. Sometimes you may think of someone as a friend but they are really only useful to you (like people in study group). I need friends. Friends are those people, those few and mysterious people, who love me for no reason at all. I have been very intentional lately in inviting people into my life to be just that - a spiritual friend. I have learned that when I am disciplined in keeping healthy spiritual friendships, I truly am a better person. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Not only do I need other people to sharpen me, but I've realized I have much to offer as well, gifts that God wants me to use to be a blessing to others.
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